Frustration

This week I had two very important appointments.  One was with my regular therapist, the other was with my psychiatrist.  I had given my therapist a book that I had been reading on Depersonalization Disorder.  I have been seeing her for the last six months or so, and after having read the book, she came to the conclusion that this is, in fact, the affliction from which I've been suffering most of my life, based on what I've been saying so frequently in our sessions.  She wants to continue reading the book to see if she can figure out any possible further course of treatment for me, since nothing we have been pursuing up to this point has been successful.

I also went to visit my psychiatrist today.  I was in a pretty disturbed state.  I mentioned the depersonalization to him as well, and he noted that the disorder is a very controversial one for a couple of reasons.  First, there is not much in the way of empirical, peer-reviewed testing that has confirmed the diagnosis.  On the other hand, the DMS-IV does recognize Depersonalization Disorder as a distinct affliction.  The second reason behind the 'controversy' is that there presently is no cure or treatment for it.

And that set me off a little bit.  It seems to me that if someone has a terminal illness for which there is no cure, that that illness does still exist and is 'real.'  But with the subjective sensations of depersonalization, there is no external 'object' that we can view with a microscope, MRI, etc.  And if there has not been any medication treatment that has shown successful in combating the symptoms, as there are for depression and anxiety, for example, then there is no justification for claiming the physiological status of a 'chemical imbalance' or something along those lines.

I'm thinking there needs to be much more research into this disorder.  Seeing as it affects the sufferer immensely, yet others often do not observe anything irregular, I don't see much hope in that happening any time soon.

By the way, the book that I referred to in the opening paragraph of this post is called Feeling Unreal: Depersonalization Disorder and the Loss of the Self by Daphne Simeon and Jeffrey Abugel.  Should any of you wish to learn more about my disorder (in much more vivid detail than I've been able to describe here), the book is available in paperback on Amazon for around $17.00.